It may come as a shock to some of you, that before I got with my fiance, (I don't care how cheesy it sounds my fiance rescued me) I'd been in a emotionally abusive relationship for three years. No I don't have this person on facebook and no I don't contact them anymore, so for protection identity we'll call him Jack. What was the reason behind the abuse you ask? Excessive amounts of alcohol.
This is very hard for me to write down, but at the same I want to reassure you that I am exceptionally happy now, and that this is to help anyone that is going through something similar, to stand up and fight.
For the first few months, everything seemed fine, then Jack started to get into fights, he'd get involved in other people's fights when it was none of his business. He worked late nights in a nightclub as a Resident DJ, I dropped him into work because he couldn't drive, this also meant that I picked him up from work too, at 4am, sometimes slightly later! Why did I do this, because I cared, because I didn't know what was about to happen, 99.9% of the time, he was well over the limit! I never got a thanks in return, he'd shout at me, a few times I came to get him and he'd respond with "What are you doing here?"
What bothered me the most was that he couldn't say no to a drink, and If I told people not to buy him drinks, it was because I was scared of what he'd do.
I was djing one night, when he'd had no word of a lie, the person behind the bar had told me he'd had about 12 bottles of Stella, this was between 10pm - 1am, he'd also had several shots, and he came down to where I was covering for him, whilst he worked in another bar and yelled at me, that the job I had done wasn't good enough, that I didn't get it, he then punched the wall behind me. I noticed a pattern after a while too, he'd ask me to drop him in earlier and earlier in each day that he was working, to drink! He broke his hand that night, and he lied to the people in A&E, I knew why did he did that? They probably would of called the Police and it would of been reported as potential domestic violence. My late father also came to my rescue that night and I am forever thankful for his love, kindness and courage that night. A couple of weeks later, it happened again, he was mad at me and this time, he kicked the wall that hard he fractured it, again I took him to A and E and I told people that he'd dropped an Amp on his foot, because I can imagine how "He got angry at me and kicked the wall instead of hitting me" would of gone down. My parents were only ever really aware of this one situation.
Why did I let him keep doing it? Because I was scared, I couldn't confront him, when I cried because he upset me, I'd done nothing wrong, he'd tell that what I was doing was wrong and that I needed to man up as it were, because I shouldn't keep crying about everything! I was moaned if I spoke about how my day at work went, he didn't care about a normal job and didn't wanna hear about mine, so after a while, I stopped, Jack would say to me "That's all my parents ever do, chat about work when they come home, I don't wanna know" he was always too busy wrapped up in his games, that he wouldn't even bother asking how I was. I was upset and I was unhappy. I'd over hear him telling his mates on his PS4 that he didn't care about a normal job, he just wanted to party, he made about £150 a week and after two or three days, it was spent on games, alcohol and cigarette's. I'm talking £100 on alcohol a week, or more.
It's so easy, to think that you can sort it, or that the person your with is going to change, but they won't, bottom line, they've got a problem and they do need to change for the sake of others and themselves. Courage came to me, one morning and I put a stop to it, I felt so much pressure lift from my shoulders, it's quite unbelievable, and I've been incredibly happy since, if your going through something like this, alcohol abuse, someone is emotionally blackmailing you, abusing you, DON'T LET THEM, LEAVE, REPORT IT, PUT A STOP TO IT!
