Coping with loss!

Firstly, this blog isn't intended to make anyone upset, although I respect for some it may be hard to read, your not alone though, we're all in this together, trying to fight MND! I want people to know how devastating this disease is, WE NEED TO FIND A CURE!

Watching someone die of Motor Neurone Disease is traumatic. I'm angry, it's taken someone I love with all my heart away from me, taken everything he ever cared about away from him, his job, his farm, his independence...his life. What did he do to deserve this? Why not a murderer, someone that deserves to rot in hell!  I'm coping better then I was, I had traumatic nightmares for 16 weeks after my dad died, every single night without fail. I couldn't concentrate on work, no matter how hard I tried, I'm forever thankful to a very understanding group of people that I can call my second family, my family away from home for their support through those hard few months, whilst I was at work.

I stopped being a DJ, I couldn't bare the thought of having to perform and be happy for an audience when my heart was being torn apart inside. The stress of someone kicking off, being rude to me, because they couldn't have their favorite song! It honestly didn't matter anymore, making sure my mum was okay, mattered. That I was there for her, whenever she needed me, Making sure my sister was okay up in Brighton with her fiance mattered and that my brother and his wife were alright.

Watching someone die to Motor Neurone Disease, opened my eyes, I had no right to moan about anything anymore, be scared of anything. I was lucky to be alive, to be able to enjoy my food, do the things I loved, be independent. I am so thankful for everything I have and everyone that is in my life. We're human, of course we're going to moan, get angry, get scared, but I try to keep it to a minimum because I know how lucky I am.

You don't ever learn to cope with the loss of a loved one, it gets easier, but it takes time. We're still waiting for the day, when we feel like we can cope. I'm waiting for the day, when I don't wake up 1--12 times a night, because psychologically I'm grieving. The day I can return to Djing and put on a happy face. It'll come, but it'll take time.